Alamat ng kasinulingan
Ito nga ba ang alamat kung bakit nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki...????
Karpintero itong si Jojo at isang araw eh gumagawa siya ng isang
bahay sa
tabi ng ilog. Sa lakas ng pagma-martilyo niya eh nalaglag ang martilyo
niya sa ilog.
Umiyak siya at lumitaw yung guardian angel niya, "Tutulungan kita,
Jojo"...
sabay lundag sa ilog. Lumabas ito na me hawak na gold hammer, "Ito ba ang
martilyo
mo?"... "Hindi po". Lundag uli ang anghel at lumitaw na me silver hammer,
"Ito ba?"...
"Hindi po". Lundag uli sa ilog ang anghel at lumitaw na me ordinary
hammer, "Ito ba?".
"Opo" ... Natuwa ang anghel.
"Dahil honest ka, bukod sa martilyo mo, sa 'yo na rin ang gold
and silver hammer".
Makaraan ang ilang araw, naglalakad si Jojo sa tabi ng ilog at
kasama ang
misis niya. Eh sa katangahan, nalaglag si misis sa ilog...iyak si Jojo.
Litaw si guardian
angel, "Tutulungan kita"... sabay lundag sa ilog at ng lumitaw eh kasama
si Paris Hilton,
"Ito ba ang misis mo?"... sagot si Jojo, "Opo". Nagalit si anghel,
"Sinungaling ka. Akala ko
pa naman mabait ka".
Nag- reason-out si Jojo, "Sorry po, angel... kasi kapag sinabi
kong 'Hindi', eh
lulundag ka uli sa tubig at pag-litaw mo eh kasama mo si Jessica Simpson.
At pag sinabi
ko uli na hindi siya ang asawa ko, eh lulundag ka uli at ang tunay na
misis ko na ang
kasama mo. At dahil sa kabaitan ko, eh ibibigay mo din sa akin sina Paris
at Jessica.
Mahirap lang po ako at hindi ko kaya ang me tatlong asawa, kaya 'Yes' na
lang ang
sinagot ko nung una".
Moral of the story: Kaya lang naman nagsi-sinungaling ang mga lalaki eh
for a good and noble reason.
awooooooooooooohhhhhhhh................talaga????????????
Batched Green Jokes # 1
Hating-gabi, hot si misis. Haplos niya ilong ni mister, kiliti niya sa leeg, saka bulong malambing sa tenga.
Misis: Love, ala na ko panty.
Mister: Huh! Cge, tulog na, bukas ibili kita.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo (pina-ikli ng iki-chemotherapy) lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin!!! Bastos ka!! walang modo!!
Famous Lines !!!!
"Pinapaikot mo lang ako
Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang
patayin mo na lang ako"
-electric fan
"hindi lahat ng walang salawal
ay bastos"
-winnie d' pooh
"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad
kundi ang mapalapit sa 'yo.
pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"
-ipis
"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka!
Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon
"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya."
-plema
"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang
maraming tao ang nagagalit! wala ba akong
karapatang magmahal?!?"
-gasolina
"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa yo
Ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao
ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."
-utot
"Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong
pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
-Bola
"You never know what you have till you lose it.
and once you lose it, you can never get it back"
-snatcher
"Hindi lahat ng pink, KIKAY!"
-majinboo
"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka
mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa?
bakit palipat-lipat ka?
-TV
"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"
-kili kili
Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
-omelette
Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-libag
"wag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot
Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?
-Lego
"Hindi lahat ng dugo puedeng idonate"
-regla
Friday Laughter Collection
Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan. Mahirap intindihin...... sa kanila ang
malambot "SUP", ang sabaw "SUP", ang sabon "SUP" pa rin.
How should COFFEE and your BOYFRIEND be alike?
1) He has to be rich
2) He has to be hot
3) He has to keep you up all night!
ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain
ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden
chair and a wooden engine?
It wooden start!!!
This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio
Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling
phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at
a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio
Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali,
Elpidio: E as in Elpidio,
L as in lpidio,
p as in pidio,
i as in idio,
d as in dio,
i as in io,
and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel:
A as in Airport agen,
B as in Because,
A as in airport agen,
N as in enemy,
Q as in Cuba,
U as in Europe,
E as in important, and
L as in elephant.
This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried?
poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled
or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat?
toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time,
what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....
Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Anak : Tays ! kakains nas tayos !
Tatay : Hoy ! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo
ha ! Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng " cooling place " ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo " Hilow, hus cooling
place?
A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl ask : " Is it as big as papaya ? "
Man replied : " No "
Salesgirl : " an apple "
Man : " No "
Salesgirl : " ahh..an egg ? "
Man : " YES , but fried ! "
Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh !
Girl 1 : Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya ?
Girl 2 : yung misis niya !
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the
words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can have me for
tonight."
So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese."
She says "That's not good enough"
The Black man says "I hate liver and cheese"
She says "That's not creative"
Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it.
If the cat likes it...rat!
If it doesn't...cat!
If it runs...dog!
What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in
the Philippines?
In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!
Bakit laging Intsik ang kinikidnap?
Kasi pag Pinoy - hulugan!
Pag Bumbay - 5-6!
Pag Kano - credit card!
E pag Intsik - C.O.D.!!!!
Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: lubok na balko! tawak pa kayo pasahelo!
Mga Vandalism sa UP -- ang kulit nito!
FA Wall:
"nobody cares"
somebody answered:
"not even the carebares?"
then another:
"not even kier?"
then:
"not even zoren?"
lastly:
"not even zorro?"
all written by different people.
AS:
AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"
"push button to eject urself"
"push button to kill teacher."
"push button to eject teacher"
....reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"
AS cubicle:
"Donate your bulbol here.." tapos may chewing gum na pagdidikitan....
AS chair :
"you know bobo? bobo is you!"
AS 1st floor CR:
"if you forget the past, then you porget the purious.."
AS 1st floor CR uli:
" Im a simple gay "
tapos me sumagot
"sira! Dapat 'Im simple and gay!' Taga peyups ka ba? duh! "
tapos me sumagot ulit (with matching arrow pa na nakaturo dun sa reply)
"sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective tapos yung gay is used as
a noun. kaya ok lang yung simple gay nya!"
CHEM:
Chem chair:
"push button to spray acid on prof's face."
Another chem chair:
"You Boron!!!"
BIO:
Bio chair:
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher."
FO Santos:
"SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO... bawal."
ENG'G:
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:
"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan ng bayan!"
Reply:
"the future you are holding is very small."
GAB:
sa likod ng armchair sa isang room sa GAB:
"takas ng ward 7"
MATH:
sa cr sa may math building:
"SUMAPI SA NPA! "
may sumagot:
"PAANO? "
may sumagot pa:
"MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA PINAKAMALAPIT NA DROP BOX SA SUKING
TINDAHAN!"
sa math building, sa likod ng isang "teacher's chair" sa 3rd floor:
"BABALA: asawa ni babalu"
sa math 3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli.
"you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
May nag-reply:
"find x."
sa math 3rd floor, sa isa pang upuan uli.
nakasulat sa armchair:
"F*CK DA WORLD! "
ta's may sumagot:
"F*CK U TOO!
--WORLD—"
3rd floor math cr:
"kaibigan, pagkapatos mong umihi, paki PLUS mo naman, hehehe."
UPIS
sa loob ng music room.
"maam _______(music prof) boses palaka! "
tas may sumagot
"nakarinig ka na ba ng boses ng palaka "
tas may sumagot uli
"weh "
tas may nag-react uli
"oo, sabi kokak!kokak!"
VINZONS:
Wall ng vinzons
"Do not steal. The government hates competition"
men's cr sa Vinzon's:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are the same hands that cook
your food."
men's cr waaaay above the urinal:
"if you can reach this, the fire department wants you!"
NIGS:
sa isang upuan:
"f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply:
"who's nigs?"
MAIN LIB
Sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section:
"UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot...
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka taga UP"
KALAI:
nietzsche-"god is dead"
God- "Nietzsche is dead!"
SC:
sa labas ng PNB:
"in case of emergency break ass and push butt"
sa girls' CR:
"Bawal ang vandal Dito!...
Mommy said: First Aid Terramycin"
sa girls' CR uli:
"My boyfriend and I had sex and now I'm pregnant"
Reply:
"Pray to God"
--------NEW Addition by Alfie--------
Sa Vinson's Hall Men's CR
"Pustahan tayo habang binabasa mo 'to hawak mo ang titi mo"
Sa AS Men's CR
NAkapaskil: "paki-flush after gamitin"
reply with face of ERAP: "Anong flush?"
May sumagot ulit:"Hyperbolic of flus"
Monastery Life
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
"We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...
CELEBRATE!!!"
Joke time!!!
Mr: kung marunong ka lang sanang maglaba,
eh di nka2tipid sana tayo ng 2000 sa maid.
Mrs: hmmph!! kung ikaw mgling sa kama, eh di nakatipid tayo ng 7500
sa driver!
*********************************
A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
Baby: does this mean im an angel??
Fairy laughs....
Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!
****
Nanay: anak, hindi ka ba nahihiya??! linis ako nang linis dito tapos
ikaw, naglalaro lang jan?!!
Anak: Nay, hindi ba mas nakakahiya kung ako ang naglilinis jan at
ikaw ang naglalaro dito?? toink...
****
doc: iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
Boy: e doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako ako sa resulta ng AIDS
test!
tapos sasabihin pa niya...
THINK POSITIVE
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